| Photos by Lisa G. King |
A few words about me...
I started writing poetry 25+ years ago. Of course, back then I didn't dare
share them with anyone. I wrote poems as a way to deal with the mixed
feelings I felt. I grew up with an alcoholic father. I was also sexually abused by
someone who was not a member of my immediate family. I pushed all my
feelings deep down inside myself. I painted on a smile and went on my way.
No one would know just how much I was hurting. No one would know just how
much I was suffering inside.
In June of 2000, I began to have health problems. I would soon realize that my
secret would have to come out if I wanted to begin to recover. What I've
learned along the way is that my painted smile was, in fact, tearing up my
body on the inside. I had no idea the extent of the damage I had done to
myself. I found that hard to believe at first. It was through intensive therapy
that I learned more than I really ever cared to learn.
I learned that I was depressed and suffered from post traumatic stress
disorder (more diagnoses would eventually follow). I didn't agree that I was
depressed. I was living the way I was taught. I was living the same way that
had kept me alive for all those years. I learned that I couldn't distinguish
between one feeling and another. That was hard for me to swallow. In fact,
everything I was learning was hard for me to swallow. I felt so much anger and
rage. I had to work through those and many other feelings. I had to revisit
every painful memory and endure every sickening flashback.
I'm continuing my road to recovery. I still have flashbacks; but, thanks to
patient therapists, the intensity isn't there anymore. The memories and
flashbacks have become a part of who I am. They've made me the person I
am today. I'm referred to as an abuse survivor. I don't like the term "survivor"
because that makes it sound as if that's all you can do. I prefer "thriver"
because it means moving on past the survival. (Thank you Nancy for showing
me the difference.) I am, most certainly, a thriver.
share them with anyone. I wrote poems as a way to deal with the mixed
feelings I felt. I grew up with an alcoholic father. I was also sexually abused by
someone who was not a member of my immediate family. I pushed all my
feelings deep down inside myself. I painted on a smile and went on my way.
No one would know just how much I was hurting. No one would know just how
much I was suffering inside.
In June of 2000, I began to have health problems. I would soon realize that my
secret would have to come out if I wanted to begin to recover. What I've
learned along the way is that my painted smile was, in fact, tearing up my
body on the inside. I had no idea the extent of the damage I had done to
myself. I found that hard to believe at first. It was through intensive therapy
that I learned more than I really ever cared to learn.
I learned that I was depressed and suffered from post traumatic stress
disorder (more diagnoses would eventually follow). I didn't agree that I was
depressed. I was living the way I was taught. I was living the same way that
had kept me alive for all those years. I learned that I couldn't distinguish
between one feeling and another. That was hard for me to swallow. In fact,
everything I was learning was hard for me to swallow. I felt so much anger and
rage. I had to work through those and many other feelings. I had to revisit
every painful memory and endure every sickening flashback.
I'm continuing my road to recovery. I still have flashbacks; but, thanks to
patient therapists, the intensity isn't there anymore. The memories and
flashbacks have become a part of who I am. They've made me the person I
am today. I'm referred to as an abuse survivor. I don't like the term "survivor"
because that makes it sound as if that's all you can do. I prefer "thriver"
because it means moving on past the survival. (Thank you Nancy for showing
me the difference.) I am, most certainly, a thriver.
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| Some of my helpful links: www.abraham-hicks.com www.healthjourneys.com www.srcm.org www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com www.webmd.com www.mayoclinic.com www.literaryguild.com www.google.com www.yahoo.com |
